Metalkabout Day 2.

Forty-eight hours ago, the world changed and people everywhere changed with it.  

All the cynics on the planet were forced to board a cruise ship bound for a place where their world-weary ways could no longer disrupt the progress of humankind: Alan Alda's island in the Caribbean.  

The ship was dubbed Glass Half Full, and as it was jam-packed.  Along with many of this year's celebrated leaders, actors, writers, poets, businesspeople, educators, and so on, you saw your sister, Helen, and your brother, Chip, boarding the ship.  You were hiding on board another boat docked just two slips away, so no one saw you. But you saw ... everything. 

There were so many cynical people on deck that you wondered if there was anyone left on land to reap the benefits that now existed — like free food, free living, free cars, free liquor, free this and free that and then more free stuff on top of the free stuff already mentioned.   

There were two people: You and a girl from Long Island names Tiffany.  

Since the ship left port, you've seen no one. And you've heard only one thing: silence. It's an eery silence. A silence unlike anything you've ever known. There's no complaining. No arguing. People aren't saying hurtful things to each other.  Empty promises aren't being made by politicians vying for votes. Liars aren't lying. Cheaters aren't cheating. All because the cynics are no longer allowed to be cynical. 

And while it's been nice to hear yourself think those positive thoughts you always think, it's been even nicer to hear yourself reaping the many benefits of a world that's been scrubbed clean of cynics who are now destined for some science experiment. That's what you overheard the ship's captain say was what they had in store for them when they reached Alan Alda's island.   Your guess is that they'll be strapped in a chair and forced to watch endless hours of MASH. 

God save them all.  Even Alan Alda.

Sitting in an empty Le Pain Quotidien eating a baguette and drinking a latte that you made, you realize you're kind of like the new Adam and this new, empty world is the Garden of Eden.  All you need to do now is walk around until you find your new Eve. 

Keep an eye out for the girl with the big hair and the truck-driver who likes to yell out how “the North Fork is where it’s at, bitches!” and you'll find her in no time.

With you and Tiffany at the helm, the world is doomed.